Desperate words.

Life is.

Everything hanging out in a random box, unintentionally,  piling up day after day.

Some useful. Some morose.  Some dumped-in because they don’t fit in…perhaps because they are broken or mismatched.
Some just waiting to get noticed because you put them in there in your cleaning spree with NO FORETHOUGHT and now are looking for it everywhere.
Will you find it? Yet, its still there.
Life can be a mess or organised as Cara Delevigne ‘s vanity-box or Bob Borson ‘s architecture blog.
Or just be beautiful, frank and yet original like Anh Duongart ‘s self-portraits.

You jut have to live it to solve the puzzle. Embrace the madness. Be open to possibilities and risk.  Push yourself. Find yourself. Let go. Repeat!

Hold the tension like a Violin String and make something beautiful! (Julie Bernstein)

Get wounded. Accept loss. Cry. Throw Up. Fall down. Tear. Bleed. Burn. Cry again. Let guilt poke you. Sorrow sting you. Because its okay. And you’ll heal.

Joel Meyerowitz says, “Time is unstoppable. Nature as time erases the wounds. Transforms the event as it goes further away.”

Pick up the pieces, make something new. Its all just lying there for you to see.

Passionate optimism.

Gentle Reminder

Hey folks,

Into the Wild; my laziness towards writing and sketching and well, a few other not-so-important-yet-I-gave-it-importance things led me into deciding that…no more social networking on my phone. I don’t need it. I will request my class buds to text me if there’s anything important and I’ll call if I’m dying to talk to someone.

And I’ll spend more time writing rather than uploading statuses.

I’m just trying this. I;m not saying its going to work or I’ll make it work. I’m just giving this a go. One needs to keep up with oneself. And lately I’ve been experiencing thi eternal unrest which needs to be inked. And other pent up emotions and frills have diluted my resolve.

By the way, its rainingbeautifully outside and Rhea’s turned off the fan because its getting a little chilly in here. 

Well, the rains always add up to my good mood. So do guitar strings, camphor, incense and my sister. Did I mention the smell of old paper and chocolates?

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Arrividerci!
love always,
Shreya

Opacity

And just like that, she let him go because her inhibitions were unreal and meaningless; he was no mirror, he didnt reflect her love.

Lisa Simpson Moments

New Radicals’ Just Cant Get Enough is playing as I type this one, my hair slick with pre-wash oil for nourishment! My room is spic and  span (thanks to an hour of relentless cleaning and sweeping), my books and syllabus is sorted to the dot…I’ve also bought new pens and all that exam stuff. It is like an exam ritual for me.  New Stuff. Also, its like 3 days before my 19th Birthday and Semester End exams. I dunno if I should be jumping about the place or study myself to Nirvana! Nothing to be excited about because…er…nothing awesome like Disneyland or a surprise party in Maldives awaits me (high hopes much?)

All I can think about is getting myself this short hair-do with Demi Lovato Blue streaks.  They’re like so lively. It’s going to blow my peeps away. Like WOW. Haha! I’m pretty determined about it.

And then I have all these writing deadlines. Today, twitter was pretty active ..but that’s like a fluctuating bulb. Got to talk to a lot of writers and discuss procrastination woes and coffee. In other news, I’m really tempted to read Romeo Redeemed . And my left over Hemingway Stockpile.And write my own stories, endlessly. Its always like that…when you’re the least at your leisure, all these spectacular ideas pop up! (One for My Baby – Tony Benett is playing now)  You’d be wondering why did I name this post Lisa Simpson Moments ,by now? The State of affairs are such. My mind is aching for some sweet-hot coffee. Lately, everyone is cooping within their rooms, in their groups…busy studying. Some going all the way to Libraries for coven meet up studies while I’m all alone in my room (I prefer it that way but still). And so I hardly get to know what’s up and I kinda feel left behind!

 I sometimes have trouble balancing friendships. And I over think stuff…so I feel like I’m not needed in some places and I just avoid hanging out there with them peeps.   And suddenly one day sarcasm takes the upper hand. Its all confusing bollocks, like Elizabeth from P&P would say.EVERYBODY go through the the phase of I don’t belong here moments. But don’t get too serious meandering in your confusing thoughts. You’ll get caught up in the doldrums.

I was kinda made like that (Lonestar) . I have so much running in my head that I don’t find the necessity of verbally describing everything…and most topics people discuss around me is so…uh…what can I say…full of shit…that I’d rather not open my mouth. But obligatory moments arise and whatever I say makes no sense and the popularity quotient takes a dip and the weirdo quotient goes a notch higher. And I can’t act like a complete Goth kid (though that helps preserve my sanity in these stormy times) Moreover what I say won’t make any sense to them (vice versa) because we come from different places and experiences, in life. An not everyone is capable of understanding. And we all have pre conceived notions about each other which come in the way of our connecting with each other. I blame no one or nothing. Its just the way we are wired up, I guess?

Some folks in the world are just too materialistic and know shit about life. They believe that they are in the deepest of miseries or evilly brilliant master planners and are scheming something so devious that no one around them will ever know. Or are living in this crystal world where everything is perfume or lip gloss or guys with dimples and good hair. Or Money and bling. Those are spots I get lost in  because the conversation bounces right off my head. I’m no grunge or metallica person but that doesn’t mean I’ll voluntarily have myself drowned in a tub of Venetian Strawberry Milk. Gah!

So, I usually find myself scribbling in books, sketching, talking to people with similar frequencies or just talking to my parents about every little detail until they turn delirious. I can’t find better confidants. They know everything. And they’re kinda cool about it. And even if they are not, they don’t act all wham.

Point is, in life we can get lonely when we are stuck in spots where we can’t find frequencies. That’s the time you should shut down the radio and try reaching within yourself to find peace, love, creativity, support or whatever that is you’re looking for. Never get dampened if you can’t be what the world wants you to be. Don’t give a damn. They probably don’t even know half the awesomeness you harbor within your head nor so they need to discover it. Peace out and let the world be.

You have so much to explore, you can’t waste a breath where its unnecessary.

 

Colors of the skies change every hour. Your time will come. And we’ll rock together then! And there is always someone around the corner to make your life a better place to live. Nothing is bad as it seems. Solitude is the best thing to happen to you if what you need is closure, calm and self-reflection. Its like auto-tuning so chill out.  Everything’s okay. I play Lenka every time I need a little sunshine…and sometimes I need you. Keep giving me hope for a better day. Keep giving me love to find a way!

Arrividerci x

Our Sunshine

I’ve been running in

Cold alleyways

Searching for a trace

Of your essence.

 

Hiding away from

Those who pry

Upon the Sunshine that

We created long ago

 

I still feel your

Warm breath on my shoulder

As I ride through the misty ways

On my  velocipede.

 

I turn away from the

Glare of the sunshine

As I try to keep it from

Leaving our haunt.

 

Without you, I find it hard

To control its whims

Dancing to its tunes rather

Than it dancing to mine.

 

Someday it will blow

Out of proportion

Scorching the world

Effortlessly, irrevocably.

 

A testament to our bond

A fruit of our thoughts

An undeniable End

In the making.

 

Won’t you come and complete me

Now that I plead to you

To contain its savagery

Before the sand’s of time pass us by?

 

Won’t you come back?

To where your every err

Is saved within my

Deepest meditations.

 

No one else comes

Close to where you stand

In the deepest

Fathomage of my heart.

 

 Shreya Sudesh ©

That Somebody : Template for love

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are. Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable.- – Robert Pattinson

 

We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It’s easy.But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it always happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of those qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable.

You will remember having conversations with this person that never actually happened. You will recall sexual trysts with this person that never technically occurred. This is because the individual who embodies your personal definition of love does not really exist. The person is real, and the feelings are real—but you create the context. And the context is everything.

The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.

— Chuck Klosterman

I was just browsing through the millions of od-knows-what-all articles, emails, feeds and posts that I get everyday…when I read this piece and my heart stopped. There are some pieces of writing that just touch a certain string in your heart and you can’t help but share it with everyone who’s willing to lend a year (or  view, in this case).

 There are things that you’ve known all along…but someone comes and puts it in words before you and you stare at i, awestruck.

Some more, on love. Spare some moments and get filled with warmth 🙂

Then I realize what it is. It’s him. Something about him makes me feel like I am about to fall. Or turn to liquid. Or burst into flames.
— Tris Prior – Divergent

I am hopelessly in love with a memory. An echo from another time, another place.
— Michael Faudet

The more you love someone, the harder it is to tell them. It surprised him that strangers didn’t stop each other on the street to say I love you.
— Jonathan Safran

Lucky Zelda Fitzgerald…a love for words and Zelda, that summed up Fitzgerald’s whole life. It became the very misery of Hemingway’s life that his friend wasted his life upon love…love for Zelda.

Perhaps the same bird echoed through both of us yesterday, seperate, in the evening.― Rainer Maria Rilke

Oh I can’t explain. When I like people immensely I never tell their names to any one. It is like surrendering a part of them. I have grown to love secrecy. It seems to be the one thing that can make modern life mysterious or marvellous to us. The commonest thing is delightful if one only hides it.― Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

Whenever I look at you even briefly—
I can no longer say a single thing.
–Sappho

In spite of everything I loved you, and will go on loving you―on my knees, with my shoulders drawn back, showing my heels to the headsman and straining my goose neck―even then. And afterwards―perhaps most of all afterwards―I shall love you, and one day we shall have a real, all-embracing explanation, and then perhaps we shall somehow fit together, you and I.
— Vladimir Nabokov

You happened to me.
You were as deep down as I’ve ever been.
You were inside me like my pulse.
— Marilyn Hacker

……………………………………………………………..

Alright so these were some lovelies I really wanted to share.

Heartwarming writing. I love how these writer play with simple words to create the most amazing feelings.

If you could think of one person when you read these lines…without a doubt or a pint of awkwardness…then know that they fill that position in your life.

And that is a truth, knows you and I.

Arrividerci x

Hope To Love You

There is a world
Where you exist
And I do, too
Together.

Where the Sun
Warms our hearts
And the rain
Cleanses our soul.

Where I dont
Have to think
Twice, to tell you
I love you.

Where you’ll
Reciprocate with a
Tender smile and
A warm glance.

But in this world
Our minds our
Clouded and Hearts
Curtained, too densely.

Judgment gets
The better of us
And rationality
Drains away.

True emotions have
Lost their value
And Greed has
Paved its way.

Now I bid Good Night
To you, with
Nothing more
To say.

When actually my
Heart wants to
Pour itself out
In One way or another.

With silent smiles
We bid adieu
And wait for
Another day.

I dont know
What you’re thinking
Or If you think, at all,
Of me.

But Hope is made of
A certain strong essence,
Try as hard as you may,
It never fades away….

The Unspoken

“If you love a flower, don’t pick it up.
Because if you pick it up, it dies and ceases to be what you love.
So if you love a flower, let it be.

Love is not about Possession.

Love is about appreciation.”

– Osho

Tumultous emotions stir up a storm in my mind as I try to make sense between hurt, joy and the hazy emotions of fondness. And I cease to make sense to anyone I try to explain my dilemma to. At one hand there is a promise of a lifetime full of laughter and joy but there is distance and on the other hand, lies this stubborness of possession…a security, a warmth hard to explain. Despite the fact that it is baseless because its a clap where only one hand is participating….the enotions still singe when you know you can’t have something you appreciate so much.

And every day , you only fall deeper…. fooling yourself that you’re over it and this is no great milestone and you’ll cross it in no time. You’re all happy and confident … displaying that facade of a smile while youre tearing up inside with conflicting thoughts.

You cant keep yourself from trying to pluck the rose despite the fact that its put up thorns so this beauty of your simultaneous existence never ceases to exist. You understand the rose’s reason to resist you because it shares no mutual appreciation besides the fact that you’ve come to share a certain companionship in the recent past.

But there is this well of hope that has been pushing people off the ledge, making them do things that are either extraordinaire or flabbergasting. And this hope instills a certain foolish longing and stubborness … you begin to believe that you could keep the rose alive with your own golden strands of life force. You know how precious it is to you. But you fail to express it the way a bard would convince a naive listener. You just sit beside the rose, relishing the symphony while it lasts, holding on to every bit of fragrance that wafts towards you. You know you would never pluck the rose against its wish… and your hope begins to wane…turning into pain.

And your comrades pat your back and try to degrade the image of the rose in your eyes so that you can leave it behind. You nod your head, stand up even and dust yourself… preparing to leave but you’re lost in a bedlam of voices in your head.

You know its best if you let go of your fascination and walk towards the reality but your fever dream calls you back..
Moreover … whenever you sat beside the rose , the rest of the world seemed to disappear and …. it kept you safe in another dimension…always whispering the right words, the warmest of phrases that made you feel so inexplicabky happy….you only wish that could happen once more. The rose innocently calls at you, not knowing what you’re going through and simply waving off your facade of ignorance as your childishness and turning away from you…

You want to explain but you know it wont make any sense to this world as they only see bits of the story and they know not how much you value whatever little you experienced.

The road ahead is unclear but when has it ever been too clear?  The rose still stands… while I sneak a look at it and think to myself, I wish things were the other way around….and Indidn’t have to be the one to choose… whether to walk away or persist.

You Deserve Better

You may call it bad karma or simple frustration. Anyhow life always catches up with your bliss . One moment, you decide to be all angelic and sweet and go online … and BAM! Some friend or the other has to fuse you out with their nonchalant bleating or monologue (which is pretty boring and showing-off all the feathers in their busted cap) .
So many times I’ve restrained myself from typing back ‘Bitch, please!’ or ‘STFU’ but you see, one can’t swear like they do on True Blood . Oh no, you can’t.

Imagine your cousin saying (to you ) “You stay outta my sheez, Hooker. Or I might have to put a bullet in your head”
That sounded disturbing considering real life situations , didn’t it?

So yeah , there are people who are bent upon screwing up your mood with their tireless chattering or self-admiration like , ‘You know, I’m so awesome I actually managed those free passes!’ or … ‘I just scored this much better than you, but I’m sure you’ll be fine ‘.
Those are times when I lose it.

That was then. But nowadays, I simply cut them off … Switch on my best Enya music and WRITE about my fury or simply relax instead of brooding or getting angry . It really ain’t worth nothing.

So direct your excess energy (which leads to getting Angry) into other fruitful activities rather than thinking up stuff like ‘How can I bring him down ?!’ etc-

Be calm. Be wise. ALL your friends do not matter. It’s fine to hang up on some who are full of themselves. We are humans and we are better off staying in pleasantness than constant crappy banter.

You deserve better. What do you think ?