One Mind, Many Dreams.

Warning : Reading this may upset people I know personally and who may have said things that I quote so please be kind and use discretion. I love you all, anyway.

I know people, like my best-friend from school, P who did his engineering while I did Architecture – he got a job like everyone else while I still did Architecture because its a longer course (and is still not over – for those who think I’m chilling in Chennai). He just knows he wants to work for the forces. He left his corporate job and is preparing for SSB. I recently (read, July) had the opportunity to act in a Short Play (Short + Sweet, Chennai, 2016 ) and this was, by chance – because I went against my usual habit of ignoring messages and actually replied to a friend who was the director of the play.  Okay, coming to the point, I got a chance to meet other actors, writers and directors. To us, the lay-folk who only enjoy cinema and read gossip blurbs or the Times of India – actors just happen to be and earn big bucks and splurge it on controversies that we can use as ice-breakers at work. But the truth is, getting a job as an actor for a somebody is really tough in a country where every third person wants to be one (Okay, you knew this). I think you can become a politician, more easily, if you’re erudite and tactical enough. SO – I met all these people who just KNOW that they want to be an actor – regardless of where they are right now – they’ve left jobs, homes and families for this. Every text, every expression, every meeting – they only talk about their passion and I’m left aghast. Like, ‘sapne mein aaya kya tere?” (did it occur to you in a dream?). It probably did.

Such crystal dreams don’t occur to me. I’m usually in morbid situations in dreams- running around with people I may/may not know in strange set-ups that may/may not exist.

Every month – I have a new ambition. I get influenced by movies, books, people, magazine articles and of course, social media. Its not easy. They say – trust in the magic of beginnings. I do – but then it fizzles out. And something new takes it place. Its not easy – when you’re pursuing a degree; want independence; super-fast WiFi; good food; social life; a job which feels like a holiday; security – it just doesn’t all materialize in one night on a platter – much like how we’d like it to. Some people just get stuck in the grind of everyday mundane jobs to support themselves and a family. Or run behind their passion – a train they may/may not catch. Or live in the delusion: ‘Aayega – Don aayega”.

Don gaya tel lene.

No parent/well-wisher/aunty/uncle-ji who owns a shop/dhobi-wallah/already-established-friend/Data-scientist-cousin-in-the-US  likes it when you tell them you want to become a Screen-writer or Casting Director – Art Manager – Art Director – Critic – Media Producer – Shift to another city – Get a flat- Buy a dog- etc:-

“Does it even pay well? What – I’ve never heard of it. Its just tricks – to scam your generation into doing odd-jobs no one else wants to do. Are you crazy? Interns are unpaid labor – even the dhobiwallah knows that. Pune? Tomorrow you’ll go to New York also. Pehle na you lose weight and leave that Facebook wagera. Some Hunky Dory became a screenwriter – doesn’t mean ki you’ll become one, too. Please keep your room clean, first. And what about the five years you spent cutting cardboard to become an Architect (or whatever you studied)? Who’ll pay for rent? Accha, leave all this blogging about movies which some other person made and share serious views on your blog. Get married before 25 – movie mein dekha na – that actor also said that only. Kya? How many degrees do you want? PINK dekha PINK? Yahi hota hai  outside world mein – go, go get your flat ab. Accha jao – sab karlo – Director bhi ban jao. Artist bhi ban jao. Go ask your Michel Gondry’s mother if he spoke to her in this tone, ever. Remember Ankita? She’s working in that advertising company – she’s getting married in November. You’re still sending in CV’s to these funny companies. What do you want to do with the rest of your existence? Ja, main nai poochti.

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You got my point. And its all in our best interest. No parent wants their kid lying broke in some dingy corner smoking cheap cigarettes regretting why they didn’t take up that Accenture wala job. Neither do they want you as an added attachment to the house (unless of course you’re a boy, in our patriarchal country). And I agree with them. This is not a rant as much as it looks like one.

Its a dilemma that I realized, more recently, a lot of us are facing but because we want to maintain the status-quo of being happy – we don’t share it. We just write poetry because its a hobby. We don’t tell people that it gives us more pleasure doing than data-entry because poetry doesn’t pay – unless of course you write something that goes viral on scoopwhoop. No one writes Facebook statuses about how they fought with someone who thinks their dreams are worth nothing. No one tells you how much it hurts to lose a job because you could’t focus on your work. No one tells you how bloody scared they are about life, itself. We blame our social status, lack of money, parental pressure, etc – and continue doing what we do best – nothing.

But all that is when you have some tinkering clue about what you really want to be. Thomas Zacharias (okay, I not-secretly have a crush on him and he Instagrams as @cheftzac) knew he wanted to be a Chef. Though it looks like he’s always smiling as he grills salmons and posts pictures about inspiring local cuisine – it took him a hell load of effort to become the Executive Chef of the Bombay Canteen (believe it or not, one of the many reasons for me to want to work in Pune is so that I can go to Mumbai to see this place designed by a firm called The Busride – where I will work, one day.). A snippet of that effort (posted with permission aka DM that he may/may not read, on Instagram) :

On the contrary, another person I got introduced to, thanks to all the weird research I do – is Shanoo Sharma (@shanoozeing on twitter) who is the Casting Head at YRF Films. And she didn’t just land up this job in one year or even two. She has the experience of working as a hair-stylist, bartender, waitress, singer – and pretty much everything she wanted to try. She has no degree to her name and at one (or many) point was tagged by well-wishers as someone who could not stay in one job for more than a year. And look where all that has lead her to. She now gives actors their breaks. She calls her job a holiday and has the authority to work from where she wants, when she wants. She does a job she’s obsessed with and this didn’t occur to her in a dream. She is India’s top Casting Director. Ranveer Singh, Parneeti Chopra, Arjun Kapoor, Alia Bhatt – and many more happened because she thought they could happen. And her story which I read is here .

Closer home, in Chennai, someone I actually know did something out of his dreams. Shyam Renganathan just gave his first TEDx talk in VIT, Vellore – and why? Because he didn’t just sit around moping (okay maybe he may have done that at one point) – when he believed that he could be funny. He didn’t want that engineering life – he stood against joining a B.E course and went ahead to do what he loves doing – he’s now a Standup Comic, RJ, Web Series (Black Sheep)  Actor and I don’t know what more he will do. It was definitely not easy – or fun, when he decided to take a step back and change course. But he made it. Its not an easy world for dreamers but then again, people make it.

And these are just some examples that I’ve stumbled upon. Okay, let’s take Sushant Singh Rajput – for those who are living under a rock / From another country  – he’s a Bollywood actor who recently acted as M.S Dhoni in his biopic. Besides that, he has starred as Byomkesh Bakshi and as a lead character in Kai Po Che, the movie based on Chetan Bhagat’s Three Mistakes of My Life. He didn’t become an actor bas aise hi kyunki sapna aaya. He was first an AIEEE Topper with AIR 7 – then a student in DTU – a dancer in Shiamak Davar’s Dance troupe – a theatre artist with Ekjute – an actor in Hindi Serials – and finally, an actor. This journey was a long and strenuous one. I haven’t interviewed him but I sure as hell know that he didn’t know he’ll be acting as M.S Dhoni in the year 2016 – when he was giving his AIEEE. Not everyone knows for sure. And you know what, its okay.

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You can thank me later.

I say this to myself whenever I get a new idea – that’s daunting – that makes me look jittery and unsure – which I agree I am. But what’s wrong in that? I’m afraid that I don’t know. But at least, I accept that I don’t know and I’m trying to know. I’m giving my everything – I’m working hard and looking at prospects- I’m applying to places which resonate my beliefs, somewhat. I’m looking at originality in a field dominated by trends and popularity.

But that doesn’t stop me at marveling what Michel Gondry does with a few colours, a paper and a video camera. It doesn’t stop me from reading scripts written by Woody Allen and Rebecca Miller. It doesn’t stop me from thinking what Greta Gerwig thought before signing up for Frances Ha. It doesn’t stop me from watching Wes Anderson movies back-to-back noting down things I like – joining FTII forums and discussing Bollywood – watching Anurag Kashyap’s speeches on Film-making – noting down email addresses of Production houses I would like to intern with – sending my CV to Art Management firms just to see if I fit the bill. I’m trying. I don’t know if its right – I don’t know if job security is the secret to success. I don’t know if I’ll ever end up in Mumbai writing films like Juhi Chaturvedi and Gauri Shinde. I also remember promising my best friend, Sarkar, that we’d write scripts for Korean Drama together, when we were in college. Maybe we should have done that.

Its all a bit unsettling when you see your friends going to pursue their Masters in the US, UK and Singapore – or when they post “FMS / IIM – Life be like” pictures on instagram – and you’re still here sitting before a screen.

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Being afraid is normal and so is stalking celebrities on Instagram. Reading Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me (by Mindy Kaling) instead of Lean-In or Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (or whatever its called) – is absolutely OKAY. Crushing on celebrity chefs who don’t even know you exist is OKAY. Reading never-ending tumblr posts on inspiration is OKAY – as long as you don’t lose yourself in another person’s world and come back to your own to build yourself up. You’re not alone. You never will be. Talk to people and get to know things instead of being shy and apprehensive. Throw yourself at opportunities and learn things that can’t be learnt on lifehack or buzzfeed. Get out of your shell and give yourself a chance to feel vulnerable.

It doesn’t matter where we are as long as we know we want to try harder and make something out of this opportunity we call life.

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Khwaaish

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The other day I was banging my head against the wall wondering what my dream really is? Is there like, one major dream and then sub-dreams or what?
And I read this from an old blog post, today.

I think I want to intern at various design places…no matter what they design, do theatre, video-log, do a TLC show where I show people places they need to get going to. Visit all the places we stayed in when I was a kid.

Maybe this is a clue. Maybe I should believe in the Universe or listen to the people who love me and step-up my professional game.
Well let’s see. Let’s get done with Thesis, first.

Arrivederci

Nobody’s Left Out.

Sometimes, I feel like shutting the entire system down and hiding inside the blanket. Scrolling down the Facebook Homepage where feeds from all over the world await to amaze you. People announcing promotions and new jobs (some finally achieving dreams you once had); getting married to college (and in some cases school-sweethearts) while you cluck at their haste thinking, ‘Hey! How can you decide on life partners without seeing the world?,’. Unfortunately, we are judging them, unknowingly. What do we know about them? Maybe they’ve seen more of the world than we can imagine? And what’s wrong if they believe in their bond? Sometimes we make our worldly mind get the better of us.

Back to Feeds, the most interesting of them all are the Holidaying-Partying-Chilling pictures in exotic destinations. While some have sweet (and wealthy) parents; benefactors and some, have earned it. Its really nice (yeah, yeah )seeing the world from their perspective until you reach a concentrated-syrup point where you can’t take anymore and despair at your not having the time/resources and company to visit those places. Fret no, your time shall come. Or at least that’s what I say to myself to hold onto the one half of my sanity I’ve kept loose. One half is padlocked in a safety cell, away from human contact. Because sometimes this world is too much for me and I can’t lose it all at one go, now, can I? I know I’m on the path to a more peaceful life but it takes time and I’d like to be a little careful.

Then comes the New Ventures. Do you remember the scene in Interstellar where the Grandpa and Coop are sitting the night before he leaves for the Cosmos? Grandpa says that when he was young, something was invented or discovered everyday and all the 6 billion people wanted it. And kaboom. Live within your means is a phrase limited only to BPL families? Can’t we follow suit? Sustainability is not : using earthenware and recycling paper (once in a blue moon).

ANYWAY, point being : everyone is starting something of their own regardless of whether they can sustain that venture or not. I know I’m being pessimistic BUT it’s that little creature in me that’s watching movies instead of learning how to use Photoshop that feeds such thoughts in my head.

We humans, we know it all. What makes us, what breaks us. And yet, we falter and blame it on our nature. Being jealous (I’m stating it plainly) is okay. But are we doing something to reach there? Not everyone has people who can give them a lift every now and then. But we can reach there ON OUR OWN. It just takes effort, repeated effort and determination to get there. Ans we can do it. I see all these people clearing CAT and entering dream B-Schools/ clearing IAS entrances and be who they want to be.

BUT WHAT IF YOU’RE STILL CONFUSED AND DON’T WANT TO ENTER THE WRONG FIELD AND REGRET AFTER A DECADE?

There goes the alarm. I don’t mind giving it my best shot as long as I know that’s what I want. But what if I’m unsure? Some people just KNOW what they want from life. They work and achieve it. What about the people who are still figuring it out? The dreamers who still are glued to The Science of Sleep and Amelie. Who rant on social media (like this) but spend the rest of the day playing SIMS? You’ll call it lazy. And I accept it. But you know what it really  is?

FEAR. Fear of choosing the wrong path again. You’ve made that mistake before and you’re living by it. And you want no more of it. So you’re just waiting for that right hour (which may or may not come) or inspiration (which is always on its way). But you’re certain that when that moment arrives, you’ll be ready to do whatever it takes to realise your dreams. You have an abstract idea but its not enough to fuel your engines. So you’re soul searching. Sometimes inside, sometimes out. Through smoke, through spirit , through travel, through words and voids.

And one day you’ll arrive at it. And you’ll know happiness.

Realists find all this delusional. But ask yourself. Are you getting everything you want from life? 

No aptitude session/ counselling can get you the answer. Even if there is something you love. The society (we just love this blame-game) will have a hundred opinions about it. The Auntys, the elder cousins and even, the kids. And its easy to say that you don’t care. But the people you care for, care about them. And you can’t help it. Life is not about severing ties, now? And I know ignoring is the option but its not easy if you’re trying to be humble as well.

Bills and expectations make us force us to do whatever we can to satiate them. But that does not mean we forget the fire. Light it. Keep it going even when you’re stumbling into the wrong path. It will show you your way out of the maze when time comes. Wait for it. And know that you can do it. Just stay strong. I’m trying my best here. As a dreamer, while I can.

Share your views. Help one another. 

So while the others be awesome and share it with you. Just try to be as happy and accepting as you can. Your time will come 🙂

Love Always,

S

Immerse.

If I could immerse myself in something right now…in these times when you are tired but you have pushed yourself so hard to do something that you cannot sleep. But your mind isn’t settling into the task that you set out to do, either.

These are moments I had words that could take me somewhere. On a trip. Escapism at its best. The future can wait while I dream with my eyes open.

I really don’t see what a few guilt-free trips of escapism can do to harm anyone. Sometimes it just rejuvenates. It reminds us that we are still in control. Warms our hearts, ignites our bones.

If you’re feeling out of place or sometimes, misplaced … lose yourself into something you can claim control of anytime… but it kindles the fire of hope in you. We have to face it, good or bad. Might as well do it with renewed energy. Hope is life. If words can turn the pages in your life, allow them to. Immerse yourself. Embrace the story. The nature of its occurrence hardly matters.

For me, its books. It words and conversations with people who make me think, smile and listen. Its moments sitting under the shade of a tree watching kids play. Talking to my parents and letting the steam off…bite bits of their wisdom (whether or not I can digest it, later) or crack family jokes with my sister. Sounds very gharelu. It’s called Homesickness.

For you it could be re-visiting your childhood with old photographs, swimming in the pond behind your house (if you’re one of those lucky few), meeting people who buzz you, long walks away from any immediate concern, a cup of tea under the streetlights at midnight, a long drive with strangers to Nandi Hills (I’ve covered that base, I ca say proudly. Though now we are friends) etc.

Just jump out that window. Don’t hold back. Rejuvenate before you wilt away.

Love always.

S

Note To Self

If you’re not proud of what you’re doing.
Then stop.
And if you can’t…
Then ram yourself against whatever it is that’s not letting you be everything you CAN be.
Because, baby, no one’s going to push you everyday, but yourself.
Be your own Hero.
Do what you must, so you can be proud, happy and content or just dance to smooth jazz music. And think about it later.
But do something, you must.
Love.

Arrividerci

Note To Self

If you’re not proud if what you’re doing.
Then stop.
And if you can’t…
Then ram yourself against whatever is not letting you be everything you CAN be.
Because, baby, no one’s going to push you everyday, but yourself.
Be your own Hero.
Do what you must, so you can be proud, happy and content or just dance to smooth jazz music. And think about it later.
But do something, you must.
Love.

Arrividerci

Morning Walks

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Very often (for me, at least) our minds seem to be clogged with a lot of things, both necessary and unnecessary. Everything from an upcoming book launch to an impending visit to the Market…dances in my little head. Then there are career thoughts…this-that!
Even sleep does not prove to be a safe refuge.

And thats why, against my lazy body’s complaints, I woke up early in the morning to breathe that fresh hour and walk a few miles … filling myself with refreshing thoughts and outlooks!

Feels much better when you are done with the thinking about things part and actually begin doing it.

A morning walk can really give you a new perspective on things that are bothering you. So get up and get going !

Arrividerci!
love always,
Shreya

Feeling like a Misfit? Oh Oh -_- Dont.

As we speak (so to say), I’m working on my Architectural Brain-child…a break-through in Contemporary Architecture…

Well, I wish I could open my post like that, today. Not just yet. I’m still a student, so without further ado…let’s jump into the topic.

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They have a stash of designer tops that probably cost a fortune and skinny jeans that you’ll never fit into (irrespective of the number of chips and ice-cream packs you give up).

But they’re ruling the world. They’re the ones getting asked out to free meals at awesome places (as a hosteler that counts BIG time…especially when the rotis or round-flat unleavened bread taste like rubber)…they get to click sesky pics in clubs wearing the minis and pumps….while you’re dancing to Pearly-Dewdrop’ Drops in your room and reading Perks Of Being A Wallflower, Mein Kampf or Inferno OR watching basketball or playing COD…or whatever you do instead of going out and clubbing.

While they make it to the page 3…and manage to click pics with hot-shots…and eventually become one…you’re worried sick over your term papers and attendance percentages…student loans, rents, etc…

The truth is that we, the youth are the ones who have stereotyped ourselves into all these ‘groups’…the party-goers, the sports-champs, the Plastics (no I don’t have to watch Mean Girls to know the term), nerds-bookworms, chupe rustam, crazy freaks, goths, emos…etc!

Don’t live up to your stereotypes.

Sherman Alexie

The truth is that we are all just the same…at a very basal level. Frustrated at not being treated like adults at the same time wanting to enjoy childhood but with the responsibility of making something out of ourselves, searching for the significant other while everyone else around us is getting hitched while we count sea-shells on the sea-shore. We all want to be famous, talked about, liked, hated (trust me some people actually like being the dark-mysterious-twisted kind). We all act like we are Bob Marleys and Avril Lavignes at some point of time. I find that facade so childish. Be yourself.

A friend (a senior whom I respect  lot for her wisdom) once said to me,

‘Do you know that not being like so many people actually set you worlds apart? And that, my dear, is why we are still talking (she’s passed out of college now)… 

Advertising our lives on social networks, pouring our emo-juices on the virtual scene because no one understands us is not a solution. Too many expectations, distractions, failures,fun, dreams, problems, jealousies, hurts, consequences…and what not. And instead of spending quality time with our family we are busy texting classmates and friends on whatsapp while we dine with the people who actually give a shit about us, love us and have brought us up…funded our needs and wants and so much more. I, myself forget my responsibility towards them. And trust me, it hurts them when they see us texting while they arrange the breakfast table for a family meal. It hurts them that we wont come out of our rooms in the evening, avoid family outings because our friends want to go for a movie! Let’s not make these mistakes and show some gratitude. Earn to reciprocate…if not willfully, at least to make them smile.

We are young…and highly Volatile and inflammable and thus, the best target for Commercial Biggies to invest upon…most shopping-websites, movie productions, advertisements, activists, politicians, musicians, artists…and just about anyone who wants to sell their products …focus (or should I say ‘set their target’) on us…the Youth, the future, who can easily be won over because they get impressed too easily. Because they love being ‘updated’…and trendy. Because the future is another faraway dimension and we’re living in the now. I roll my eyes at our attitude, sometimes. And when our elders (those who are actually concerned about us but just don’t know how to put it across) ask us about our falling grades, broken curfews and habits…we get infuriated, feel misunderstood, abused and imagine ourselves in the place of pitiful characters and indulge in self-pity, write angry poems, act nonchalant, do stuff we are not supposed to and act rebellious. Like that’s gonna help.

Some gain from it. Like they really work damn hard and become great people in whichever field they choose. Some just land up as drunkards and druggies clicking pictures in imported cameras, listening to popular music, waste themselves…blame the society, fall in love, get cheated and well come back home or end up in jail. I was talking about extreme cases. Some believe in the following to feel free… :

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So yeah, we feel like misfits right now. Because some people get us and some don’t. We may or may not get along with course-mates and colleagues…we may or may not impress our bosses and clientele…but that’s not the end of the world. We may not resemble the highly dashing guy in the Woodlands ad (for men) or the pretty models in Garnier ads! We may not be able to eat Italian while the sun sets and go crazy at super-markets or rent a resort in Botswana’s wilderness…just yet. Nothing comes so easy.

photography | Tumblr Tumblr | via Tumblr PARIS IS ALWAYS A GOOD IDEA ∞ | via Tumblr

This is just a phase. Its not gonna last forever…these hardships and alien feelings are gonna soon get over…all we need to do is WORK towards it.

Instead of blaming the world….my Dad wasn’t supportive or My Mum never cared…my brother over-shadowed me, the girls in my class are too high-headed, the guys are douches or my teacher knows shit…all useless rants that no one’s got time to listen to because everyone is headed somewhere…and so are YOU.

Take 100% responsibility of your life, Reader. That’s the first step. I’m not hearing any excuse. If you want it bad, go get it.

And while you’re at it…learn to fit-in. You don’t have to be in a pitiful state acting like a misfit. No one’s an out-lander…the party called life is open to all. And trust me, just forgive the damned people and move on. Like, who’s got the time, right? Live your life and make the people around you feel loved and everything else will fall in place. Just in case you find yourself too startled by life, I’m always there just like you guys are there for me. Whenever I find myself dwindling, I write here, to re-gain focus.Untitled | via Facebook

Nobody wants to disappoint people who have faith in them. But hey, shit happens. Your past is gone. Hold no grudge against yourself. You’ve grown up now…you’ve gained a new perspective…perhaps a new scar. Don’t look at it as a reminder of your past…but as an evidence of a hurdle you crossed to get where you are. Just smile. Much love . Arrividerci

Regret Nothing

Writing And All things that follow…

So, since the past few days I’ve been writing a quite a bit and reading some, too

But I’m not able to spend MUCH time with my desktop because I’m looking after my Grandpa’s elder sister who just lost her son and is staying with us for a week. She’s a cheerful lady and so sweet, I cannot say!

Coming back, writing does not always come like bread and butter… sometimes, I need that perfect mood or that briliant inspiration and then I can set off and go on for hours together. But sometimes, it so happens, that in times of emergencies when I have to immediately submit a previously unpublished article (I never keep stock articles , unfortunately) … I have the talent to sit to work and present something decent within the word limit that precisely speaks of my work-efficiency.

Some moments are so dull and dreary that I don’t even feel like lifting my pen, leave alone write numerous words!

Well, that’s what they call a Writer’s Fatigue. Touche.

But right now, I’m still in my bed clothes and disheveled hair buzzing with the interest to write… but I’m needed downstairs for Breakfast. Hallelujah!

IMPROVING :

With every email , every comment , every article… I learn.

Sometimes I learn about what Readers require and sometimes what publishers demand. Its all not very complicated if you see, clearly. The bottom line is improvement is necessary as no one likes stale stuff.

Feedback mechanisms are perhaps the best mirrors to your work and I love it when somebody comments or emails me(I call it FAN MAIL) HAHA!

Well, today, I’ll start writing again, perhaps after Lunch so I’ll see you then 🙂

But now, I should bathe and get ready. No one likes stale people, either. Okay, THAT was a stinky joke, I agree. LOL