Take a step. No, wait. Think about it. Twice, thrice – repercussions. This will haunt you forever. You can’t rewind life. The past always makes an appearance in the future. Phew.
Thorathi varattum. Paakalam.
The truth is, time is running out. The other day when we were just chilling in a friend’s room watching Modern Family and Hailey went about saying she is twenty-one I realised I’m going to turn the same age in a month. Adulthood is getting more real by the passing hour. And soon I’ll have a job and vacations will be unpaid-leave and not something the college lets you have so you can come back afresh for a new semester.
And I’m not restricting myself to the code-books of appropriate living anymore. I’ve done everything right up until now when it comes to getting into college, deciding on a career, being a nice person. So now I want to live a little more.No, don’t worry, I’m not going off to Himachal on a horse. I mean to say, I always hold myself back everywhere, thinking too much. Worrying about this and that. And yesterday was an important day and I realized that I lost some really important things and people because I gave into the pressures of life and apprehension. And now I can’t undo any of it. So why should I follow rules that are breaking me?
I rewound to Goa. Sushi, Hrishi, Priyo and I were chilling together after walking the entire evening along DB Marg as out Professor explained the urban heritage of Panjim. We saw many spots we wanted to stand a little longer. But we couldn’t so as soon as our teachers left us Scot-free we decided to retrace our path and walk back to the hotel. And on the way we just walked, laughed and thought of nothing. Just did what we wanted. I remember happily singing and walking with them on a bridge where they were burning something for a ritual while some others were fishing with their own private fishing rods. I had never seen those things before in my life and I was giggling merrily in my state of bliss.
I want more carefree moments like that. I want to be an independent person who makes memories. And takes risks and uses opportunities without thinking a million times. I know when to draw lines; when to say no and when to sleep instead of dancing.
I will write when I get ideas. Scribble. Dance on the road. Meet that guy I missed last time before he went off to the States. Read more, more and more. Debate. Involve myself in political debates. Put my head into things I’m not so aware about. Make mistakes. Get corrected. Get looked down upon. Be judged. Cry about it. Wake up stronger. Laugh about it with friends. Learn more. Write more. Explore my interests. Hate on ex-girlfriends who still have a power over these nice boys. Have food with both hands. Not brush my hair before classes. Wear BATA sandles to everywhere I go. Eat cold pizza right off the fridge. Throw things. Lose stuff. Let it go. Create art. Talk to new people. Create more original work. Listen to good music. Have my own opinions. Express them. Evolve. And just be happy. Learn to hug right. And not get awkward when cute guys talk to me. Be proud of the movies and music I like and not try to be someone I’m not. Instagram whatever the shit I want to. Tweet remind my first love indirectly that he’s missing out on the priciest chic in the town. Haha. Prank people. Meet my Blogger friends. Laugh with them. Love them and their many stories and personalities.
Spend more quality time with the parents and the sister whom I’m missing out on, majorly. Take them out to dinners and show them places. Cook burnt dinners for them, decorate the house for festivals with them. Catch up on everything our life made us miss out on. See my sister become something great. Be there when y parents begin cribbing like Piku’s. Read my poetry to them even if its for an estranged boyfriend. Haha.
Careers happen. Degrees come and stay in folders and walls. Pay for the niceties in life. But these moments make us who we are – make us sleep with a smile or a tear on your face. Make us human. And I want to live them all. To the best of my potential. I want the heart to burst with joy and be able to cry when I want to. Live the entire spectrum of emotions.
Not run behind the right people but Make it Right for those whoa re actually with me. And make merry. Cherish every last cookie in the jar.
To a life lived with love. Meet me soon, I don’t want to miss out on any of you. I want to know your stories, share mine, see places with everyone who knows me and write about our adventures. Laugh. Cry when you leave and hang pictures on my wall. Let nostalgia keep me awake and dreams put me to sleep. While I live now.
Thank you for reading this far. I hope you realize what you want of life, too, if you haven’t already.