All of us love Fix You by Coldplay. It’s my go-to song when life gets a tad bit overwhelming like when your seniors (who’ve become as close as siblings) leave college, you make your crush get back to his ex, lose your cool at the wrong people, fight with your best friend, miss your parents, get hurt, breakdown and my list is endless.
You must know by now that Chris wrote it for Gwyneth when her Dad passed away and she held onto him for dear life, in pain and asked him to fix her.
But today is not about getting fixed. I could write a book about it. And in that 60% would be dedicated to both my parents who are experts at that stuff. Any my sisters, Rhea & Rhea.
(Note: Right now one of them is playing a movie version of Tum Ho Toh by Farhan Akhtar and we are singing along)
Today is about FIXING PEOPLE. Somehow we all feel that we have this inherent gift of knowing exactly what a person needs. We may or may not know them too well but we are ready to suggest things to them in a jiffy. Hey Bobby, don’t smoke so much and have breakfast ; Hey you, stop making so much never-going-to-get-published art and work on your course book; hey stop dreaming about NYC and study for GRE: hey stop dating that Fauji and think of your own profession; hey stop drinking every damned weekend; hey don’t wear that shit : you look like our Mother (aka Kurta with Shoes, no eyeliner on dull days etc) …
Maybe you’re wrong. Wait, you’re most likely wrong. I’ve done it, too. Probably still do it to some close friends because what, I’m better than them? Just because I don’t drink I can’t tell my buddy to stop. Hell, I don’t even know what it means to him or her. We keep trying to fix people and their habits , all in good thought but maybe we’re not helping them. Maybe we are interfering with something else. It’s okay to make sure they don’t fall off the ledge but constantly buzzing them with advice is just reinforcing the fact that they need help , in their head. NOT something they need.
Help… but give them some space to breathe, grow and learn from mistakes. Don’t be the doting Mother Bear all the time.
Ah well, why? Because I caught myself doing the same last night and I realised why I’m wrong and that I can’t make any real difference by doing that.
Love people for who they are. Not what you want them to be.
Happy Sunday folks.Arundhati Roy is still sitting on my drafting table : half read and beautiful.